


Don't Trust a Vol-

by mythomagicallydelicious



Series: Weird Al Who? Parody Song Fic Collection [1]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: (aka trent related treatment), 3Oh!3 - Freeform, Implied/Referenced Abuse, M/M, Song Parody, but he's minor its like 3 lines tops, don't trust me, episode 109 cr2 inspired, includes backstory somehow, please sing this in your head with me, reference to canon death of side characters, referenced trent's creepiness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-24
Updated: 2020-09-24
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:14:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26624242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mythomagicallydelicious/pseuds/mythomagicallydelicious
Summary: The iconic "What are you?" "Vegetarian" has spawned so many beautiful memes about that 3Oh!3 song that I decided to go ahead and parody it all the way and add to the fic count for this beautiful ship.
Relationships: Caduceus Clay/Eodwulf
Series: Weird Al Who? Parody Song Fic Collection [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1936861
Comments: 3
Kudos: 18





	Don't Trust a Vol-

**Author's Note:**

> Caduceus and Caleb's parts are clearly labeled at the beginning of their lines. Eodwulf's lines are marked by being italicized and in parenthesis.

**Caduceus:** Black robes, with tattoos underneath

I got the breath of Cosala family tea on my teeth

And he’s a wizard, but the ain’t got no need

He’s got muscles and a goddess and a few hundred GPs

T-t-t-tongue, always bit like your cheeks

While my tongue is ripping new ones in your boss as we speak

And tell your master, if he says he’s got beef

That I’m a vegetarian, and I ain’t _fuckin_ scared of him

He wants to touch me _(whoa)_

He wants to know me _(whoa)_

Don’t wanna leave him _(whoa, whoa, oh, oh)_

**Caleb:** Don’t trust a vol-

Never trust a vol-

Don’t trust a vol-

_Volstrucker_

**Caduceus:** Fungus, growing off of the graves

Of your parents who you murdered when you were brainwashed, babe

And forgiveness _(forgiveness?)_

is possible too—

as is redemption from your actions if you break away, dude.

B-b-b-bruises, and marks that Trent left

He says “made you stronger” but we know he’s full of shit

Well the point is _(point is?)_

I know who you are

And you can get to know me better away from Ikithon if you want ;)

He wants to touch me _(whoa)_

He wants to know me _(whoa)_

Don’t wanna leave him _(whoa, whoa, oh, oh)_

**Caleb:** Don’t trust a vol-

Never trust a vol-

Can’t trust a vol-

_Volstrucker_

**Caduceus:** Hush boy, don’t be afraid

I’ve got magic to protect your brain

I said hush, boy, don’t be afraid

Wildmother’s gifted me magic

To protect your brain----

He wants to touch me _(whoa)_

He wants to know me _(whoa)_

Don’t wanna leave him _(whoa, whoa, oh, oh)_

**Caleb:** Shouldn’t trust a vol-

Maybe trust a vol-

Just this one vol-

_Volstrucker_

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I had fun and I hope you did too :D
> 
> Sorry even this somehow had light angst? Look it is the nature of these characters even when it's silly hah.


End file.
